The Ripple Effect: It’s Not Just About You

by Joe Cavanaugh, Founder & CEO of Youth Frontiers

October 2011

www.youthfrontiers.org

The scene: a local high school hockey game. A kid on the ice pulls a cheap shot on another player and gets a penalty. While on the way to the penalty box, the kid swears. The kid’s father is sitting behind me and I overhear someone say to the dad, “Don’t worry; it’s not a reflection on you.”

Pardon me, but it is a reflection on the dad. Often our parental peers dismiss the behavior of our kids in situations when said behavior is clearly not representing the community’s or the family’s values. The truth is, it is a reflection on you and your family because your child has your last name.

You may have heard me talk about the African idea “ubuntu,” which, translated from the Bantu languages in southern Africa, means “I am because we are.” For me, this concept highlights that although we are individuals, we are highly connected to those around us. It is easy to forget how dependent we are on others, especially those people close to us.

My wife and I tell our daughter, “Your name is Tess and you are the only Tess in the world.” At the same time, we tell Tess that her last name is Cavanaugh. Having this name means that you represent a set of values, and a family that lives out these values. Your behavior does not just impact you – it ripples out and affects your mom and I, and how people look at us and our family. Its ripple affects your grandparents, your cousins and many others. In other words, it is NOT all about you. You have a responsibility to live well not only for you, but for those you are in relationship with. Tess Cavanaugh, you are because we are.

The ripple effect of our behavior means that acting without character could have a tremendously negative impact on people we work with, people we love and people who depend on us. On the other hand, think about how our positive decisions could change lives. Our actions that strive to help, heal and love others create just as strong of a ripple as our negative actions. I tell this to Tess at home, and we here at YF tell this to kids every day on retreats. We all have the power and the responsibility to create a positive ripple effect… because it’s not just about you.

Exercise:

This month, talk to your kids about what your last name, or family name, represents. What values does your family use as a guide post and why?

© 2011 Youth Frontiers, Inc.

This article was reposted with permission from Youth Frontiers.